Monday, December 13, 2010

Pieces of my life(part 3): Sometimes I wish you were here, by my side.

I have experienced - To be in love is amazing… to be loved back is a Miracle! I have lived this miracle for 3 years and I still can’t believe that it’s over. Last time we were together was on 25th December 2009.  Its almost a year now that I last saw her. Being in different cities we hardly met, but we were in constant touch talking approx 30 hours a week on phone!

I lived some of the most beautiful times of my life whenever I was with her. There was love all around and nothing else. I loved her more than any thing else in my love. I am sorry to say, but I loved her more than I love God! I did some of the most craziest things in my life, which neither of us thought were possible. We went on trains, buses to & fro  from her home to her hostel, of course hiding from both of our parents who never wanted us to see each-other.

I still remember she used to get up in the morning,especially during my exams, just to wake me up, coz alarm clocks can’t wake me up! Such was our love for each-other that we argued and fought with our parents for each-other’s company.

And what I did for her, no boy would do (our friends testify this!), like bunking my lab quizzes to meet her when she was hospitalized although it was a 14hour long journey. During vacations, I always planned my journey so that I could meet her. I still remember my journey of 22nd September 2009 when I was on the top of a bus, with a few other passengers as that was the last bus, and I had promised her that I would come.

But today, I am not so sure that she is the same girl I loved. Just coz I could not give her the attention (which I used to) for just 2 months - in my craziness to organize DreamSpark Yatra at BIT Mesra, she grew angry. And during that period, she couldn’t wait for me! She found someone else. Are people  really so selfish?

Talk about Irony! She was in a very depressed situation when I had first talked to her. She had been cheated and ditched! She wanted to commit suicide, and infact she tried a couple of times. It was I, who pulled her out of that situation, gave her the love, affection and care she needed. And what did she do at last? She just put me in the same situation from which I had dragged her out.

I don’t understand how could anyone inflict the same pain on others that they have experienced once. All I know is - she thinks she is intelligent and she takes very wise decisions, but in my heart I know, she is really stupid when comes to decisions on Life and Career. And everyone in our circle knows if not for me, she wouldn’t have joined a college! That’s Irony No.2, coz once upon a time she was her school topper.  And I am pretty sure,now, that she’s gonna face a hard time in her career. I am also not sure if I love her now, sometimes it feels like I do, but at times when she called and I talked to her, it was as if she’s someone else, a different voice, a different personality and a different Neha altogether.

There were times she had called, surprisingly they were always my anticipated dates based on my dreams and yogic experiences. I find it fascinating, she never wanted me to make good friends with girls, afraid that I too will leave her someday. I had ignored some of my good (girls) friends coz of her! To a few I even said – “Don’t call me ever again, please!”

I was always attracted to her voice. I don’t know why, but she happens to be the girl with most attractive voice I ever met. Everyone who’s ever talked to her on phone for 3 days has fallen for her. Even girls admit the fact that her voice is the sweetest! You know what the funny part is – she told me that she was afraid whenever I talked to my old friends because girls find my voice attractive and might fell for me! Initially I could not believe her. But then, her friends and her sister confirmed her statement. I was still doubtful though, but then when my friends confirmed the fact I was taken aback! Somehow I don’t buy that, but she told me that its not only the voice that matters, but also the talking style, and my style of saying “Haan, madam boliye.“attracted them the most!

While that may or may not be true, I am struggling with a question. Most of my friends tell me I should carry on. The problem is, will I be able to trust anyone? Will I be able to love anyone? And if I am able to, will I be able to tell anyone? Coz, I am very much fearful for that matter. Sometimes I really miss her, wishing that she was by my side. Then at times I celebrate coz, I have a lot of time for the people in my life who need me and I am by their side. Often I ask my heart a question…. if not her…who’s my soul-mate, where is she? And when I am gonna meet her… and when I meet her how am I gonna identify her, and my heart tells me only one thing – “You gotta wait Vishal!”

We were always the first to wish eachother on our birthdays and that is why following the tradition, Neha Das, I wish you a very Happy B’day.

3 comments:

  1. Love,Trust and Emotions --- all these seem to be sometimes loosely tagged.What i feel these things are very specific...you loved her voice...you trusted her calls in the morning... you had emotions for her health...
    It's a relationship forming based on many such things. In order for any relationship to be a success there have to be in general lots of compromises.
    Your point on trusting or not, it's not a thing you can think, most of them would say you feel but then it should be a mutual feeling.
    So there never would be a point of trust you just take the risk and always hopeful to make things work :-)

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