Usually, I write inspirational articles on my blogs, I am not sure if this is gonna be one of them. I certainly hope so.
I knew that I had not written a post on my blog for a few days. But, I did not realize how long it had been! I just checked and realized that the last article that I wrote was on October 17th 2014. That's a lot of time for inactivity.
Its been a strange past couple of months. I don't know why but its not been so great. I have had some health issues, and a lot of confusing decisions to make. Though there have been certain very good news, but somehow, I believe I had become a pessimist, until now!
And as I write this article, I am wondering, how can that be? I am supposed to be an "Aasthik" - A believer, how then can I give into negative thinking and pessimism?
I guess, if you don't have a purpose, that's what happens. Lot of things have happened in the last few months. To start with, my landlord wants me to vacate my room. Its not a big deal, I know it, still it affected me. Silly? Definitely yes!
As a believer and follower of teachings of "The Geeta" I am supposed to be un-attached, but I guess I am not that un-attached. I am supposed to be "fearless" I guess, I am not. I guess I thought myself to be flawless, perfect, which clearly I am not.
I have been looking for an answer, as to why I am feeling this way, I believe it is because God wanted me to realize that I am human and I will have to face problems. Perhaps he wanted to blast through my inflated ego or perhaps he wanted me to revise my learning. Or may be, just like last time, he wants to change things in my life which will take course in a way that society is benefited.
The last time I had to go through a period of stress and depression, I came out strong. Paritraan was established as a result of what I had to suffer. I took a lot of other initiatives and it gave me a purpose. The purpose was to serve the society - whether it was by sharing my thoughts and learning on this blog or by a guest lecture in a college, I was serving the society. But for past few months I am not.
In fact, I stopped doing a lot of things that I once loved - writing prose/poetry, composing/listening to music, helping people, conducting contests - even talking to my friends.
Rationally, on analyzing I know that there are no problems, there are just challenges, but that's not how I feel. I felt lost and defeated, just until now. Just writing this article has brought peace to me. As I write this, my anxiety is decreasing. I feel relaxed.
I thought that since I am not feeling happy, I am not writing or clicking pictures, but I know now, I was wrong. Its the other way round. I need to keep writing and keep taking pictures, keep listening to music - that is how I get happy!
But most important of all - I have to have a purpose. A purpose that drives me. A goal that helps me channel my energy. And it should be such that it benefits the society.
I guess what I have learned from this experience is a few things, most important being that not all days are alike and irrespective of who you are and what you do, you will experience some confusing days in your life - but you can't give up - you must not give up. That is how you live happily and set examples for others to follow.
I thought that writing might help and it did. And I hope I am going to write a few more articles in the coming days. I truly feel blessed that I have friends and family with whom I can share my thoughts and feelings easily - for they are my strength.
Its very important to have friends and family in your life, and it is more important to share your feelings with them when you feel down - its stupid not to. It is ok to admit that you need someone, that you are dealing with problems. Lot of times we think that they (friends/family) may think that you are stupid but it turns out that they don't. Its because they are also dealing with problems of their own and they too are hesitant. It is OK to ask for help, it is OK to admit that we feel insecure or even scared about a few decisions - and that's because we are humans.
Once you talk to them, you feel the weight lifted. You feel relaxed! You have a clear mind, and then you find your purpose/goal and start your journey.
I dedicate this article to a special friend whom I have nicknamed "Nautanki". It was because of this friend that I wrote this article and I am glad that I did.
And I guess the answer to the question is simple, most often we create the problems when there aren't any.
I pray to Lord Ganesha today, "Lord, please bless everyone with your presence in their lives either in form of family or friends".