Sunday, December 13, 2015

God humbled me the moment I started believing that I have mastered myself.

I am writing this post to publicly acknowledge my learning I have had this week. I have been practicing spirituality and meditation since last 10-12 years, and just when I thought I have mastered it, God humbled me. 
A couple of major incidences happened in the last 3-4 months in my life, where I was able to follow the teachings of Shree Krishna as per his message to Arjuna in the form of 'Geeta'. I began gaining confidence and slowly started believing that I am on the path of enlightenment. Some of my friends thought that I had that kind of spiritual energy too.
During the conversation, Arjuna asked Shree Krishna, "Why does sometimes, even a knowledgeable man becomes slave of his own mind and is forced to do evil deeds?"
Shree Krishna replied, "It happens because the man is not able to control his mind. Anger, Lust, Attachment and Ego are the 4 major enemies of a man walking the path of spirituality. You have to identify these enemies and work accordingly Parth (Parth is another name for Arjuna)."
I began thinking that I am on the right path and perhaps that's how ego was born. This same ego is the reason for attachment, lust and anger. I have always known that 'impatience' and 'short-temper' are two of my major weaknesses. Most of my closest friends advised me to get them under control. I rarely paid heed to them. I always said I will try, but never gave the try my 100%.
One of my Gurus had told me last year - "You have anger because somehow, someway it benefits you. The day it stops to benefit you, and the day you will suffer a loss, you will then really start working on it."
This week something happened which tested not only my patience and anger, but also my very base of spirituality - and I failed miserably. I realized I had become slave of my desires and was forced to do things (by my own mind) which I wouldn't have done otherwise. 
I then realized that I had started to give more importance to the materialistic world and stopped nurturing my spirit. It is not a one day effort. It is a continuous process & journey. 
I also realized other mistakes I had made in the process and that I have a journey ahead. I had even stopped writing or talking about spirituality which went against my own basic nature. I would be lying if I said I am not ashamed of what I did. But at the same time, I appreciate that God was noticing this and threw me a challenge that he knew I would fail so that I realize my mistake. I also would like to thank my friends Akhil, Aakash, Omar and Juhie to help me in such a difficult and seemingly impossible situation. 
It is my strong belief (may call it intuition) that God tested me, knowing that I would fail and learn from it. He wanted me to prepare myself for the upcoming challenges and also so that I could share my experience with the world so that they learn from it to.
Thank you Lord, for being with me, for taking care of me. I love you!

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